Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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