You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
