**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
