i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I looked at my own cervix.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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