I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
