let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Found the puke drawer
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
