I wannas sexs uuuuu
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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