I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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