i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
