i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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