so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
