Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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