Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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