Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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