Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
please come you make the beer taste better
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Vodka?
Forever.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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