Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Congratulations! We have a period
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