I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
