Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
