Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
