I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
