do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
