Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
