i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
