i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
When are your genitals available?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize