I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
ugly people sure do ruin things
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
