I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
