I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize