cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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