im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
She announced her abortion via fbk
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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