Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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