i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
