if you like me you must not know who I am
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The uberlube is also flammable
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
