i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
