Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
