FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
