I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
