I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
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