I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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