So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
