i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
