I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
