i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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