4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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