I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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