It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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