Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
