Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
