I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
