There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
porn star boner night. come get it.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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