he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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