I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
