Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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