If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He literally asked permission to hit on me
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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