Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
