Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
