ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
