you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
