My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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