Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
