its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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