I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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