I will die if light touches me.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize