Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
