i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I AM VODKA MAN
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
