while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize