So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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