the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
