did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
