so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
