***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
