if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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