hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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