My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
