but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
